painfully meticulous documentation of my tiny interactions with my many crushes
...in this newsletter I write a bit about what's been sparking and nourishing my creative life lately, and update you on upcoming songs releasing. Plus, some fun news! a show in Buffalo on Sep 1!
To my inner critic:
I’ve tried so hard to be pure, to be sure, to ignore your fury
And yet all that I can think is
god, I never met somebody so insecure, so ready to spar.
Come on—hop in the car,
and we could go to a place that stays open late;
maybe belly up at the bar and get martinis or a couple of PBRs.
You’ve been traveling far.
And I’ve been trying to analyze and sanitize you—push you off, and push you down too—
when all you want is somebody to recognize you for who you really are.
A speck of dust, a flake of rust—
great-great-great-grandchild of a long dead star.
— Audrey Assad
_
Firstly, an update. I have been quiet on here lately, I know—but I promise, I’ve been very busy. We finished up the mix of the next new single and it’s coming out September 22. :) We’ve got the next one after that almost done and ready now, so there are a few fall releases on the way, and more in the new year. Also!! I have a show in Buffalo, NY coming up on Sept 1—I’d be so appreciative if you could tell your friends and family in the area if you know anyone who would like to be there. And hopefully I’ll see some of you there too! I’ll be playing mostly new songs but will definitely be sure to throw in a couple of my old favorites too.
—
On to the topic at hand: what do my attention span, my focusing abilities, my creative consistency, my hand strength, and my time all have in common? **They’ve all been kinda tanked by social media!**
I used to journal or write every day and read every day, and recently it occurred to me that I can pinpoint the moment that I stopped doing these things; it was 2011, the year I got Instagram. Cool, Instagram…cool cool cool cool cool cool. Since childhood, prior to that point, I had been piling up horrendously embarrassing journals full of overwrought angst and self-judgment, as well as painfully meticulous documentation of my tiny interactions with my many crushes. They were also full of creativity and spirituality and dreaming and slowly working out my feelings and problems. And so, for twelve years, there has been a distinct gap in private coverage of my life—apparently I forsook that for public coverage instead. I do feel some real sadness about this; but there is no way to go except forward, and as they say…there is no time like the present. (In fact there is no time *but* the present.) So, I began the Artist’s Way several weeks ago and … I don’t think I’ll be looking back. (If you don’t know about the Artist’s Way, it is a simple 12 week journaling program for ANYONE, “artist” or not, accompanied by an excellent book sharing the same title, by Julia Cameron.)
From these daily pages, several themes are emerging. One, I find myself struggling not to take certain things about myself (perhaps especially my inner critic) far too seriously. This should surprise precisely no one, I think. Two (as I began this section by stating) — my attention and focus and mental agility (and in addition, my overall contentment) have been under siege ever since I entered the druggy funhouse of dopamine and cortisol that is social media. In an age where people of all types of careers feel that they must have an online presence to market their skills, services, art, and/or products, it can be a real headf**k to figure out how to engage without completely losing your sanity (and your ability to focus long enough to read a book or write a letter.) I don’t have any answers about this but I can tell you, the amount of frustration and even anger pouring out in my morning pages almost daily is well worth my time and attention and listening.
I wanted to share this with you simply because I feel that The Artist’s Way could be a massive help to anyone who feels similarly. (Or even those who don’t…this is for everyone.) If you have been feeling stuck, frustrated, blasé, distractible, etc, etc, etc…perhaps this could be a way to open a window and let some fresh air in to flutter your curtains.
I’ll be in touch again soon with more details about the new releases coming up, but for now I just wanted to pop in and let you know about this in case it might be helpful to you. And just a reminder; I’ll be in Buffalo on Sept 1 to play a show. These days, that’s a rare thing. It would mean the world to meet and see a bunch of y’all there, so please spread the word if you know any fans in that area. <3
xoxo
Audrey
Love Julia Cameron. Her book The Sound of Paper has helped me tremendously as a writer.
Also - so real - “painfully meticulous documentation of my tiny interaction with my many crushes.....” have you read my journals?! 😂
thanks Audrey!!
Yes, yes, yes to The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron! ❤️ It will be a wonderful, gentle, loving experience. I’ve reread the book many times, still write the morning pages and heavily rely on the affirmations. I’ve even made my own affirmations recording playlist. 😁