Goose Tattoos.

I wanted to share something with you for my birthday.

I turned forty years old on July 1. I wrote thousands of words about turning forty the other day, but I’m not ready to share yet—that got…uh…a little raw. Oops, I mean—‘it’s been held up in editing.’

Since I don’t have any sane reflections to offer at this time, I wanted to share this song by MUNA with you and ask you to listen to it as a birthday present to me. :) Katie Gavin (main songwriter and lead singer) may be thirty years old, but she writes rather agelessly. Sometimes she is all carefree and flirtatious #rollerskate vibes—at others, she serves ‘wise, but wild aunt-who-became-a-friend you always longed for.’ It’s a really incredible combo, IMO.

If you know me it’s no surprise that this song takes me somewhere very deep and very tender every single time I listen to it. It felt especially poignant the afternoon I wrote about turning forty, fresh off a cute little crying jag. I hadn’t been feeling a way about this birthday at all: but then, upon seeing my inner critic’s tired out old bullsh*t all over the computer screen, I suddenly found myself wondering if I would ever get out from under the weight of feeling broken.

When I was young I thought forty year olds Knew What They Were Doing; that they finally felt At Peace With Themselves; but it turns out that my birthday was just another day hurtling through space, trying to figure it out. I’m still ‘growing up’, whatever that means, and that’s all right. I don’t even know if there’s a better way to be. If turning forty has gifted me with any wisdom (a little over a week in) it’s this; I don’t have to be the best darn little grower-upper this cruel old world has ever seen! When it comes to being good, I don’t have to die trying.

Mary Oliver says what I am trying to say here far more heartbreakingly in her often quoted piece “Wild Geese”. (You have probably heard this poem.) Rather than saying poetic things about its rightful place in poetry’s hall of fame, I’ll just tell you that I believe it is responsible for thousands of goose tattoos. And for good reason! If you want to risk getting a goose tattoo, and only if you want to risk getting a goose tattoo, do read on.

“You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -over and over announcing your place in the family of things.” — Mary Oliver

My last birthday request is that, if you check out Grow, that you would share your experience listening in the comments. I’d really love to hear how you feel about it.

xo,

Audrey

PS. My new music video for Better is out. :) If you haven’t seen it, you can check it out here! (Grab some 🍿 for the comments section. )